1/31/2014-”Selfless Duty”

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Mikey,

Maybe I should be talking to a colleague about this, but I need an unbiased and objective opinion.  All my life I have I want to help people with their spirituality. I believe there is no greater journey than the path to self fulfillment and inner peace. I feel like I’ve been very successful in this matter and describe myself as a spiritual technician. However, I feel like I’m not meeting my own personal needs due to my selflessness.  I bring about great change in other people’s lives, but I am ineffective in my own. How do I achieve the fulfillment I desire as well as put people on their correct journey?
-Zen Boy

***Zen Boy, your desire and fervor to help others is both rare and impressive! By my own admission, I will tell you I am NOT an expert on all things spiritual and the path towards self-fulfillment. In fact I have no qualms telling you I had to carefully craft and research my response to this question. However, I can say with certainty, if you feel you’ve found your niche in this area of life then you’re at a crossroads–clearly causing you a crisis of conscience.  Humans are innately selfish creatures, born with certain instincts that drive self-preservation and fuel selfish desires. You are no different. If you truly believe your destiny is to help others on their journey towards enlightenment, then you cannot have both. Selflessness and selfishness can have no harmony when it comes to selfless duty. In this situation, selfless duty dictates you sacrifice your own personal needs in service of others. I advise you to take a break, and do some soul searching to decide if this is really something you want to do. You also have the right idea, consult your colleagues. I have no doubt this is something they too have faced. I’m rooting for you Zen Boy! ;-)

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post. Be sure to pick a code name. Thanks for checking me out. -Mikey♡

1/30/2014- “The Unwritten Rule”

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Hey Mikey!

Hru? Warm I hope! :-) Here goes… My older brother and my fiancé don’t get along, point blank period! About a year and a half ago when he was just my boyfriend we had a physical altercation. My brother heard about it but couldn’t do anything about it because he was out of state. Naturally we made up and now we’re about to get married. But my brother isn’t supportive of our decision to get married he feels my fiance is a woman beater. And is refusing to come to our wedding. My fiance has invited him out, I apologize to him so many times, and really tried to be a brother him. He’s cut him off at every turn and even threatened to whoop his ass if he speaks to him. How do I get to see he’s completely out of control and on board with this wedding? I think is really immature that he’s held a grudge this long, I mean I got over it!!!

-Trudy

***Trudy, just because you got over something doesn’t mean your brother has, or ever will! If your brother feels like I know he does, then he realizes women are dying everyday, and you could have been one if them had he landed the right blow, in the right place!”Sorry darlin’ but this what happens when private conflicts become public discourse. As you can see you two have moved past this, he has hasn’t. That’s just how it works; you’ll forgive and forget, but they (your family and friends)NEVER forget even if they forgive the person who has mistreated you. Whether you know it or not; there is an unwritten rule stating big brothers have to look after their little sisters. As the older brother of two young women, this was ingrained in my head and my heart from a very early age. You need to allow your brother to come around on his own time–and that’s if he does! Forcing the issue will only make the matter worse. Tell your fiancé to stay away from him, and to keep his hands off of you so this issue won’t be exacerbated and he won’t find himself on the other side of iron bars ! Side note, I employ you two to partake in some marriage counseling before your nuptials! I can tell you’re going to need it!

♢Domestic violence is wrong and dangerous. If you, or someone you know, is suffering from domestic violence PLEASE get help somewhere.

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post. Be sure to pick a code name. Thanks for checking me out. -Mikey♡

1/30/2014- “Straight Hatin’”

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Yo Mikey!

Safe and warm in Atlanta? I know y’all having a hard time down there. I’m sure you can help me with this little problem. My girl’s boyfriend doesn’t seem trustworthy.  Things seems to be going great with them, but I’m foreseeing him using and abusing her. He tried to talk to me first, but when I clowned him for being a scrub (he 34 and stay with his Mama) he started kicking it with her. A year later and now they’re like super serious. They even live together. He’s very attractive and I just know niggas who look like him use big girls to come up on game and I just want her to be careful. How do I tell her to watch him?

-NYC STAR

***NYC STAR, you sound more like a hater than a friend.  You dissed the guy and then he made a love connection with your friend who just so happens to be a big girl. I really don’t see anything wrong with this other than you and your friend shouldn’t be fishing from the same pool of men.  This makes  murky waters! There are plenty of attractive men that prefer to be with plus sized women and not because of what they can do for them. Unless your friend points out any issues with him you should remain SILENT! If,or when she does, THEN AND ONLY THEN, are you to voice your concerns.

Throwback Thursday- “Passions”

Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald and Ethan Winthrop
Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald and Ethan Winthrop

Growing up with my Nana soap operas were a mainstay of her household. Like clockwork, Monday through Friday she watched “All My Children” at one o clock, “One Life To Live” at two, and then at three, “General Hospital.” For years I never understood her fascination with them. In my opinion characters like “Erica Kane,” had no real world value. Even more importantly how could a teenage boy such as me relate to all this gushy romance. Then one day, as I lay propped up, sick and half dead, “Passions,” came on. Initially I wrote it off as just another soap opera, but then I noticed two unusual characters–a witch and a talking doll! I found myself engrossed in the show’s supernatural storylines and found myself greatly enamored with Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald. As the show’s main heroine she fought for, and won, the love of Ethan Winthrop. Then there was Alistair Crane–a television villain so evil he puts J.R. Ewing to shame! The show also launched the careers of heart throbs like Justin Hartley and Jesse Metcalfe, and introduced us to Eva Tamargo.

Apparently I wasn’t the only guy addicted to the show as it had a high male fan base and sparked a cult following! The show routinely appeared on VH -1′s “The Best Week Ever,” and became a pop culture phenomenon.  For nine seasons audiences laughed, cried, hoped for, and fell for the citizens of  the seldom harmonious town of “Harmony.” Still, there was a lesson behind the show; a happy life has to be fought for and vigilantly defended. As much as you would like to think things will work themselves out you alone hold the power to achieve that outcome! Cheers to “Passions!”

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1/29/2014- “Mommy”

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Hey Mikey!

I’m glad you have this site up. A sister needs some advice. I had my eldest son young, 17 to be exact. My mother took care of him and looked after him while I finished high school and college and met my husband. We had my second son together. Now we’ve purchased a home and I had my eldest move in with us. He hates it! He hates me! And keeps running back to my mother. They’re very attached to each other and she wants to keep him but he’s my son. He even calls her “Mommy” and calls me “Mother.” He should be with his family. This has caused a rift between my mother and I, and I can tell my son doesn’t want to be with me. I don’t know what I should do. What do you think?
-Agitated Mama

***Agitated Mama, this situation is near and dear to my heart, somewhat mirroring my own origins. Honestly, I feel your pain. No one wants to feel rejected, let alone by their firstborn. However, I implore you to put his happiness and well-being ahead of your own. Keeping him from his grandmother will only earn you his resentment and contempt. Trust me no one wins when those two are thrown in the mix of things. Talk to your mother. She didn’t simply look after your son while you finished school, she raised him! He is in a sense her child too. Work with her towards his best interests. Remember motherhood, and parenting in general, requires selflessness and putting the needs of your child ahead of your own. This includes your own pride!

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post. Be sure to pick a code name. Thanks for checking me out. -Mikey♡

1/29/2014 – “Bananas”

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Hey Mikey,

So my boyfriend says my head game needs some work. I’ve never had any guy say that to me before. He and I are pretty sexual so I don’t want him tryna find better. What could I do to improve?
-His Girl

***His Girl, “la, la, la, la, la!” Um wow,
well if you’re a visual learner I’d suggest watching a few videos featuring Karrine Steffans AKA “Superhead.” If you’re more hands on I know the elimination of a gag reflex is something most of us guys like. Got any bananas? Practice on it, and then experiment on your boyfriend. Guys differ on their “penile pleasure points.” As with anything, I figure practice makes perfect! ;-)

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post. Be sure to pick a code name. Thanks for checking me out. -Mikey♡

1/29/2014-”Monsters”

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Hey Mikey,

Maybe I’m overreacting but my wife has gotta be one of the most uncompromising women I’ve ever met. We disagree on a lot when it comes to how life works, but we usually are on the same page when it comes to our son. I don’t like him watching Pokemon! It promotes violence, abuse against animals, the creatures on it are monsters, and it isn’t educational by any means. I feel Sesame Street is okay but my wife says if he can’t watch Pokemon, then he shouldn’t be allowed to watch Sesame Street either. I don’t see her logic and she refuses to explain herself. Am I missing something? Or is she just being a woman? I’m sure I’m not the one who’s overreacting!

-Dazed Davy

***Dazed Davy, um this is has to be one of the oddest disagreements in history, LOL. Nevertheless, I do think you’re both overreacting. You’re correct Pokemon is violent. I can see how some children could transcribe Pokemon battles to real world crimes like dog fighting, and the creatures are monsters. However, as a former “Pokemon Master,” I can tell you the game and show are very educational. Any child playing or watching Pokemon learns strategy, map reading, innovation, and responsibility. I believe this is where your wife is coming from. Beyond this, if you’re so against your child watching monsters then he definitely shouldn’t be watching “Sesame Street.” Oscar the Grouch, Grover, Telly, and Elmo are all monsters, The Count is a vampire (a type of monster), and let’s not forget Big Bird is an 8’2″ walking, talking bird. i think that classifies him as a monster too! I say let your son watch both, and continue to teach him right from wrong. Good and vigilant parenting can be a potent force against negative influences.

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post. Be sure to pick a code name. Thanks for checking me out. -Mikey♡