9/13/14- “Because I Loved Myself More”

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Hey Mikey,

I’m lost right now. I’ve always put my husband’s career and needs before own. He’s a lawyer and at times I’ve functioned as his wife/personal assistant/secretary. Now, I’m ready to go back to school try and become a businesswoman in my own right. He’s completely against it saying I won’t be able to perform my “wifely duties.” I got accepted to Spelman and instead of being happy for me he filed for separation. I can’t understand why he doesn’t understand I am trying to better myself and in the long run it will be good for us and any children we have?

-Shaken

***Shaken, don’t find yourself “shook.” Wanting to better yourself is always admirable and noble. This is the only life you have, live it as best you can. If your husband does not understand that loving yourself more does not mean you love him any less; then he’s the one with the problem. Congratulations Spelman is a great school! Get that degree and become the woman you were always meant to be. Remember a woman is more than a wife or help mate. In fact she’s more than what any man would make her to be.

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

9/2/2014- “The Raw Dog Rebel”

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Hey Mikey,

My current boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. I’m generally happy with him and I feel like I’m falling for him more and more everyday. So…my problem is in our sex life. He wants to start having raw sex and I definitely don’t. I’m negative and he is too but still I think it’s gross. He says if I love him and want to be a good partner I’ll at least try it, but I’m just not with it. Is there something I can do to get him to realize all that is rather dirty. I’ve seen videos and I’m not with the clean up. Tell me something good Mikey I’m counting on you!

-Gay Boy Issues

***Gay Boy Issues, this is rather intense!  I mistake, this is not something you can compromise on. Either you are going to do it, or not. I think you two should have a serious conversation and you should express your discomfort with the action. I would rather this not be a deal breaker in your relationship,  but the moment you start bringing ultimatums into the bedroom things are definitely going downhill. Never let anyone push you into doing something you are comfortable with.  Remember what one guy won’t do for you, another one will!

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

8/21/2014- “The Universal Solution”

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Hey Mikey,

Currently I’m overwhelmed with two problems in my life. The first being my mother. She constantly asks me for money, promises to pay me back, then scolds me for being a disrespectful daughter when I have to ask for her to pay me back. To further complicate my life, my boyfriend and I are so on and off repeatedly, that I don’t really know where we stand anymore. He says he loves me and I do love him too but I don’t think I wanna try anymore. Every time he asks for another chance I just wind up taking him back. What should I do to move past all this? I don’t wanna alienate my mother or force my boyfriend out of my life.

-Feeling Powerless

***Feeling Powerless, you alone are the most powerful person in this situation.  You should exercise that aforementioned power with the simple use of the word, “No.” That’s right there’s no book or law or rule that says you have to give your mother money or keep taking your boyfriend back.  The Universal Solution to pain is on the edge of your tongue just waiting to be spoken and fix your issues! Remember our problems end and begin with us.

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

8/8/2014- “Spiritually Self-Medicating”

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Hey Mikey,

My friend of twelve years has turned out to be a complete backstabber. I find out he has been sleeping with my girlfriend for the last three months.  I feel so stupid!  All the times I’ve left him home with her and let him stay over they been kicking it right under my nose.  I threw both of them out.  It’s easier to get her out my life but,  he and I are different.  He’s left like a thousand messages asking me to forgive him and for us to talk but I don’t know. … Mikey what should I do?  I’m sure you’ve dealt with betrayal of some sort before.

-Dead Inside

***Dead Inside,  allow me to resurrect the inner sanctums of your heart and soul.  You have been dealt a monumental blow that will take some time to heal from.  It’s time to offer yourself some healing in the form of forgiveness.  Forgive yourself and then the two of them.  Accept that you may have been the catalyst that brought them together, but their indiscretions are faults all their own. Now forgiveness does not mean you have to be around them,  or treat things the same. It instead allows you to spiritually self-medicate to heal and move on with your life.  You don’t wish them harm,  you don’t wish them well–you move on. 

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

Sidechick Etiquette 101 & All The Unwritten Rules!

Famous Sidechicks: Emma Frost (top left), Olivia Pope (top right), Mary Jane Paul (middle left), Joseline Hernandez (bottom left), Amina Buddafly (bottom center), and Mary Jane (bottom right)
Famous Sidechicks: Emma Frost (top left), Olivia Pope (top right), Mary Jane Paul (middle left), Joseline Hernandez (bottom left), Amina Buddafly (bottom center), and Mary Jane (bottom right)

Olivia Pope, Mary Jane Paul, Joseline Hernandez, and Amina Buddafly are now household names. Besides being women what do they all have in common? Their “sidechick status.” Yes the great and revered Olivia Pope, the responsible and enlightening Mary Jane Paulk, are now categorized with reality ratchet starlets from Mona Scott’s “Love and Hip-Hop” series.  It’s very easy for us all to say we abhor cheating, cheaters, and the people they cheat with. Nevertheless, television ratings and our personal relationship decisions say otherwise. Was it not just yesterday when being the other woman was a shameful secret; so much so she and her kids were social pariahs. Now, it seems like these ladies on the side have all the benefits and none of the responsibilities of a relationship. When did wives, fiancées, and girlfriends become benchwarmers to, as Monica so nicely describes them,”sideline hoes.”

As a man raised by women and a loyal advocate in all of their causes; I find this status quo hard to swallow.  You should too! This is a fantasy! Most men do not leave their relationships for mistresses. Unfortunately, these side peices are just outlets. Yes, I said it–OUTLETS! A supposedly stress free way for him to have all the benefits of a relationship with none of the responsibilities. The only thing more tragic than a woman knowingly being a bench warmer, or second stringer, in a man’s life is when she does not even know it. So in this post I’m going to tell you how to deal with a side chick, what to do if you have unwittingly become a sidechick, and if you are comfortable in your “sidechick status” the rules you MUST abide by.

How do you deal with your man’s sidechick? YOU DON’T! Your quarrel isn’t with her, it’s with him! When confronted with this situation the best approach is the direct approach. Let him know you will not tolerate sharing him with another woman. Be firm and steadfast, your dignity is on the line here! Remember no matter how difficult it is you will be fine with or without him.

Have you just realized you are his chick on the side? Well, you are fortunately at a crossroads. You can opt to remain in your role, or choose to be a free agent. As the former, expect to be treated as an option and not a priority. As the latter, your possibilities are ENDLESS! You can find a worthwhile man of your own and avoid the stigma associated with being his number two. Relationships require work, but there are said benefits to them. Sidechicks don’t get introduced to the family, taken to church, reap the benefits of his health insurance, etc. As you can see the best route is to be his main squeeze. His ONE AND ONLY!

For that increasingly common woman who comfortably assumes the sidechick/mistress role; there are a few unwritten rules for you to abide by:
-Stay in your lane! Don’t assume main squeeze duties because you will not be reaping the benefits!
– Maintain a generous amount of respect and distance from the main squeeze and any children she may have with your mutual man.
– Just because the main squeeze knows about you doesn’t give you the liberty or freedom to go public. Maintain the status quo!
-Keep things going on slow nights (uneventful nights that do not intrude on holidays, special events, or special occasions!), at hotels, and NEVER at the main squeeze’s house!
– Always be on the lookout for your next man, because this is only a temporary situation!
– No side babies are allowed! Keep a healthy supply of condoms, Plan B pills, and birth control.
-Keep your children out of your business. No one should know their mother is a benchwarmer.
-You’re free to date! However, you can’t be a sidechick to two separate men. It complicates things. Your dates are never to know about one another.

Well there you have it! If you follow ALL these rules and realize your position in this man’s life you won’t have too many issues. Remember ladies at the end of the day it is your life! No man should dictate your worth based on his decided level of commitment. You decide what you want to be. Take responsibility for everything that happens in your life and be the best YOU, that YOU can be!

Unrequited Love: How To Get Past Rejection and Be A Good ‘Rejector'”

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Rejection–it happens to ALL of us. Maybe you weren’t picked for a team, didnt get into the college you wanted, or didn’t get the job you know you’re qualified. Nevertheless it is never good feeling. Still, of all these aforementioned examples of being passed over, none sting quite like the reaction from unrequited love.

Unrequited love is defined as, “love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such…” Sounds lopsided and half – hearted, right? It is no wonder why in the “dating game” of the 21st century, indifference and subtle emotions are prized over grand displays of affection and love. This epidemic of people wanting others who don’t want them makes for an endless cat and mouse game. So what do you do when the one you love, doesn’t want to be with you? It’s easier said than done, but if you follow these few steps you can minimize your heartache and move on with your life.
-Distance yourself emotionally and physically, if possible.
– Don’t settle for anything less than what you want from them. Ex. When they offer friendship and you really want a relationship.
– Don’t feel guilty about dating other people, unless you’re going steady, or are in a committed relationship, then you shouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket! “Options” is not a dirty word!
-Refocus your energy. Find a new craft or hobby to occupy your time.
-Give your heart a break! Don’t fall too soon or too quickly for the next pretty face.
– Realize people don’t always know why they reject another person. In many cases it is a subconscious decision.
– Allow yourself to receive the apology and closure you will never get for them hurting you.

Now, if you’re the person that just so happens to be doing the rejecting then you have the responsibility to make it point blank clear that there is NO chance of you two being together. Do not throw in phrases like “I just need some time,” “I’m not ready for a relationship right now,”  “I think you would make a better friend and lover,” or my favorite “I’m not dating right now!” This give people false hope that eventually you would be into dating or being with them. Furthermore, friendships can NEVER be offered in place of relationships. What you do with friends you would not do with a lover! Friendships are also no easier to forge than relationships. Finally, remember they cannot help how they feel for you anymore than you can help for how you DON’T feel for them! Be kind!

As you can see, whether you’re the rejector or the person being rejected; you have work to do to make things right with someone else or within yourself. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, the longest relationship you ever being the one you have with yourself and that’s what you always gotta be working on. Don’t let who you see in the mirror be the person you ultimately reject!

When “Pretty” Isn’t Enough

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Long before our births, and in many cases our existence, our parents prayed for healthy and beautiful children. Many of us live up to the healthy part, but only a margin of us achieve what is now considered “pretty,” or true beauty. Indeed, being physically attractive comes with its perks. In fact, if you’re attractive you’re more likely to recieve higher pay, promotions, better grades, and are more likely to survive potentially deadly illnesses. Why? Because everyone from your boss to your doctor wants you. Hey, you can’t help it! You were blessed with “good” genes. So herein lies a rarely asked question: Is it ever a problem being pretty? Surprisingly, the answer is yes. Particularly when it comes to the pursuit of love and relationships.

Oddly enough, these “Olympian specimens of human perfection” are the latest victims of infatuation. Attractive, or “pretty people” as I like to call them, have a much harder time finding mates who genuinely love them. They also tend to be marred by trust issues–from their partner and their own insecurities. Most people are surprised to learn this. The mean girl, or the debonair pretty boy, are written off as arrogant or distant because they seem to have top bidding when it comes to friendships and relationships. Often times they’re never more alone. Due to their physical appeal, these individuals become commodities no different than sports cars or designer clothing. Unfortunately, they often encounter liars who uphold facades simply to win them over. This causes them to become distant, distrustful, and reliant upon their looks to gain, or keep their status in the world. Case in point, my boy Tonio, a rarity amongst the local Atlanta population. He has a social life on par with any rock star, and every since puberty everyone stares at him–boys and girls. He’s the holder of a thousand hearts, and ten thousand knives–in his back! On one of our many cocktail nights, during a semi-sober moment he said to me, “Mike sometimes I wish I didn’t look like me. Because then someone would love me for me and wanna hang with me for just being me. You feel me?” Honestly I didn’t know, or feel, what he was saying. I’m the boy who squeezes his beauty from a bottle on a daily basis (Discounts or hookup on Proactiv anyone?). So what’s the remedy to all this? How does one so pretty find someone who truly loves them for them? The answer isn’t easy. It involves time teppered with discernment. If someone is coming off as too good to be true, then they probably are. Wait until you see both the good, and bad, this person has to offer.

It’s true how someone looks is the initial bait that reels us to them. However, call it cliché, but it is what’s beneath their golden exterior that will keep us around. Pretty is fine, but still it’s just pretty. The day we all finally learn how to treat others based on their actions and not their appearances is a long way off. Nevertheless, it can start today. There are no greater truths than God and The Mirror, so a little prayer and introspection are just the things these people–ALL people–need to leave a “pretty” good life.

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