Olivia Pope, Mary Jane Paul, Joseline Hernandez, and Amina Buddafly are now household names. Besides being women what do they all have in common? Their “sidechick status.” Yes the great and revered Olivia Pope, the responsible and enlightening Mary Jane Paulk, are now categorized with reality ratchet starlets from Mona Scott’s “Love and Hip-Hop” series. It’s very easy for us all to say we abhor cheating, cheaters, and the people they cheat with. Nevertheless, television ratings and our personal relationship decisions say otherwise. Was it not just yesterday when being the other woman was a shameful secret; so much so she and her kids were social pariahs. Now, it seems like these ladies on the side have all the benefits and none of the responsibilities of a relationship. When did wives, fiancées, and girlfriends become benchwarmers to, as Monica so nicely describes them,”sideline hoes.”
As a man raised by women and a loyal advocate in all of their causes; I find this status quo hard to swallow. You should too! This is a fantasy! Most men do not leave their relationships for mistresses. Unfortunately, these side peices are just outlets. Yes, I said it–OUTLETS! A supposedly stress free way for him to have all the benefits of a relationship with none of the responsibilities. The only thing more tragic than a woman knowingly being a bench warmer, or second stringer, in a man’s life is when she does not even know it. So in this post I’m going to tell you how to deal with a side chick, what to do if you have unwittingly become a sidechick, and if you are comfortable in your “sidechick status” the rules you MUST abide by.
How do you deal with your man’s sidechick? YOU DON’T! Your quarrel isn’t with her, it’s with him! When confronted with this situation the best approach is the direct approach. Let him know you will not tolerate sharing him with another woman. Be firm and steadfast, your dignity is on the line here! Remember no matter how difficult it is you will be fine with or without him.
Have you just realized you are his chick on the side? Well, you are fortunately at a crossroads. You can opt to remain in your role, or choose to be a free agent. As the former, expect to be treated as an option and not a priority. As the latter, your possibilities are ENDLESS! You can find a worthwhile man of your own and avoid the stigma associated with being his number two. Relationships require work, but there are said benefits to them. Sidechicks don’t get introduced to the family, taken to church, reap the benefits of his health insurance, etc. As you can see the best route is to be his main squeeze. His ONE AND ONLY!
For that increasingly common woman who comfortably assumes the sidechick/mistress role; there are a few unwritten rules for you to abide by:
-Stay in your lane! Don’t assume main squeeze duties because you will not be reaping the benefits!
- Maintain a generous amount of respect and distance from the main squeeze and any children she may have with your mutual man.
- Just because the main squeeze knows about you doesn’t give you the liberty or freedom to go public. Maintain the status quo!
-Keep things going on slow nights (uneventful nights that do not intrude on holidays, special events, or special occasions!), at hotels, and NEVER at the main squeeze’s house!
- Always be on the lookout for your next man, because this is only a temporary situation!
- No side babies are allowed! Keep a healthy supply of condoms, Plan B pills, and birth control.
-Keep your children out of your business. No one should know their mother is a benchwarmer.
-You’re free to date! However, you can’t be a sidechick to two separate men. It complicates things. Your dates are never to know about one another.
Well there you have it! If you follow ALL these rules and realize your position in this man’s life you won’t have too many issues. Remember ladies at the end of the day it is your life! No man should dictate your worth based on his decided level of commitment. You decide what you want to be. Take responsibility for everything that happens in your life and be the best YOU, that YOU can be!