The Transformative Power of Friendship–What Zachary Heath Meant To Me…

Zach (l), Me (right) December 2011
Zach (l), Me (right) December 2011

All too often on this site I delve into topics of love and dating. People bombard me with issues of love–how to gain it, how to maintain it, and what to do when it just does not work out. Nowadays the answers seem ever so clear to me. Do “A” to get to “B” so “C” will happen. Simple enough, right? That was not always the case. If you could travel back in time to just five years ago you would have met a very different me. Whereas I currently like to perceive myself as some Bruce Wayne/Batman/Carrie Bradshaw hybrid I was nothing short of an overweight Hulk. Unlike, the raging green hero, however my pain was self-inflicted fueled rejection rather than anger; and tainted by greed rather than righteous fury. One by one, my friends and many family members began to back away from me. I became that dramatic person that one would describe as a “hater.” If it was not for or about me it could quickly rot and burn in Hell. I sowed dissent amongst others better than most demons and pedaled poison in the form of drugs to the masses. These were my sins–I repeat WERE. Then, I just so happened to agree to make, still to date, the best decision of my life and agreed to become roommates with the friend of a friend, Zachary Heath.

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What About your Friends? Friendships Vs. Relationships! Who Trumps Who!?

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I Dislike When People Diss Their Friends When They Get A Boyfriend/Boo/Girlfriend Or Whatever … && I HATE IT When Those People Are My “FRIENDS” But It’s Cool, Because I Cut People Off, Don’t Think It’s Cut Throat! It’s Beautiful When You Find Love && A Relationship … But Don’t EVER Get Brand New With The Person That Was There When You Needed Him!! Because Next Time You Look, I’ll Be GONE! && So Will My Presence && ADVICE

-Anonymous Friend’s Facebook Status

Sounds familiar? As you can plainly see from my irate acquaintance’s status you aren’t alone; and this is far from new! The war between friendships and relationships has raged for eons, and it doesn’t seem to be letting up anytime soon. Society places such an emphasis, and has such an idealistic viewing of romantic relationships, that all others seem to pale in comparison. Psychology coins this phenomenon as dyadic withdrawal. The more time a couple spends romantically, the more their non-romantic interactions decrease, i.e. their friendships.

For many people this is perceived as the natural order of things. However it’s only partly true. Indeed, a partner/lover/significant other deserves a significant portion of your time–and a greater degree of your attention–but significant does not mean all-consuming. No one, no matter how loved or endeared to us, can have us one hundred percent of the time. Those involved in the healthiest romantic relationships know that time apart is just as important as time together. This doesn’t mean you use your friends as a consolation prize when the one you love isn’t available. It means you actively and consciously maintain time for the other people in your life.

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