9/9/2014- “Before You Walk Out Of My Life”

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Hey Mikey,

I really like your site. Lots of categories and stuff. My husband in particular likes your “Hot Tips for The Handsome Man” column. He gets manicures and pedicures with me now. Well my marriage is great but my friendship with my friend, “Elaine,” is really strained. We’ve been girls for about five years now and she was even in my wedding.  We recently had a big fallout over this slime of a guy she’s been dating. He makes Nikko from “Love & Hip-Hop Atlanta” look like a saint! To make a long story short,  she has not spoken to me since and now she’s accepted a job offer overseas and will be leaving in a few days. She had a going away party and did not invite me. Should I leave things alone or try to get some reconciliation and closure before she heads off?

-A Hurting Friend

***A Hurting Friend, I am sorry you and your friend are going through this. I see so many women lose great friendships over men.  It’s all so disappointing. Nevertheless, I advise you to reach out and wish her well. You can even tell her you have no hard feelings about the situation.  Anything she decides to do, or not do, after that is solely up to her.  Lose no sleep,  shed no tears! Life moves on and apparently so is your friend.

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

Men & Women Can Be Friends: Why I Love My Girls

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Everyone knows your teenage years can be more trying than any other time in your life. The fluctuations in hormones, learning to maneuver an unfamiliar adult body, social awkwardness, and overwhelming peer pressure are nothing less than torturous. It’s during times like these that having the right group of friends can make or break you into the person you will become. There are few truths greater than the saying, “you are the company you keep…” Fortunately, I found myself in good company. The friends I surrounded myself with sought to be, and became, great people. Whatever challenges, insecurities, or doubts that kept them from making themselves better I witnessed them overcome and eradicate them. That group of friends just so happened to be all female–my girls.

Honestly, friendship is genderless. Men and women can be friends–best friends even. I was your stereotypical troubled teen; angry with the world, and even angrier with myself for not “measuring up.” It was me against the world, and with hubris, I believed I stood a chance.  Unsurprisingly, not only did I fall flat on my face–I fell on my face; through the floor, and plummeted towards Earth’s core–that proverbial “rock bottom” everyone eventually learns about. In my light – less gloom, swaddled in despair and loneliness; there I suddenly found myself in the care of five amazing women. Since then, more amazing women have become apart of my life. Truthfully and sincerely, being their friend has been the greatest decision of my life.

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The Transformative Power of Friendship–What Zachary Heath Meant To Me…

Zach (l), Me (right) December 2011
Zach (l), Me (right) December 2011

All too often on this site I delve into topics of love and dating. People bombard me with issues of love–how to gain it, how to maintain it, and what to do when it just does not work out. Nowadays the answers seem ever so clear to me. Do “A” to get to “B” so “C” will happen. Simple enough, right? That was not always the case. If you could travel back in time to just five years ago you would have met a very different me. Whereas I currently like to perceive myself as some Bruce Wayne/Batman/Carrie Bradshaw hybrid I was nothing short of an overweight Hulk. Unlike, the raging green hero, however my pain was self-inflicted fueled rejection rather than anger; and tainted by greed rather than righteous fury. One by one, my friends and many family members began to back away from me. I became that dramatic person that one would describe as a “hater.” If it was not for or about me it could quickly rot and burn in Hell. I sowed dissent amongst others better than most demons and pedaled poison in the form of drugs to the masses. These were my sins–I repeat WERE. Then, I just so happened to agree to make, still to date, the best decision of my life and agreed to become roommates with the friend of a friend, Zachary Heath.

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What About your Friends? Friendships Vs. Relationships! Who Trumps Who!?

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I Dislike When People Diss Their Friends When They Get A Boyfriend/Boo/Girlfriend Or Whatever … && I HATE IT When Those People Are My “FRIENDS” But It’s Cool, Because I Cut People Off, Don’t Think It’s Cut Throat! It’s Beautiful When You Find Love && A Relationship … But Don’t EVER Get Brand New With The Person That Was There When You Needed Him!! Because Next Time You Look, I’ll Be GONE! && So Will My Presence && ADVICE

-Anonymous Friend’s Facebook Status

Sounds familiar? As you can plainly see from my irate acquaintance’s status you aren’t alone; and this is far from new! The war between friendships and relationships has raged for eons, and it doesn’t seem to be letting up anytime soon. Society places such an emphasis, and has such an idealistic viewing of romantic relationships, that all others seem to pale in comparison. Psychology coins this phenomenon as dyadic withdrawal. The more time a couple spends romantically, the more their non-romantic interactions decrease, i.e. their friendships.

For many people this is perceived as the natural order of things. However it’s only partly true. Indeed, a partner/lover/significant other deserves a significant portion of your time–and a greater degree of your attention–but significant does not mean all-consuming. No one, no matter how loved or endeared to us, can have us one hundred percent of the time. Those involved in the healthiest romantic relationships know that time apart is just as important as time together. This doesn’t mean you use your friends as a consolation prize when the one you love isn’t available. It means you actively and consciously maintain time for the other people in your life.

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