What About Your Friends? – 5 Toxic Friends To Spot & LET GO!

Toxic-292x300

TLC couldn’t have asked a better question on their debut album. “What about your friends – will they stand their ground? Will they let you down again? What about your friends – are they gonna be low down? Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you?”  As you get older you will see your “Day 1″ friends get more and more distant and you’ll wonder why. You’ll notice he or she always has something negative to say about one of your other friends, about something you consider to be an achievement or she or he may just be running off 100% haterade. And the saddest part about your friend’s “new behavior” is its really not new at all. It’s just that you’ve been so accepting of it up until now and the reason why you’re getting fed up is because you’re older now, you’ve taken the rose colored glasses off and now you can truly see them for the negative person they’ve always been.

Continue reading

1/11/2014 – “No Male Zone!”

wpid-3629515599_manhater2_xlarge.gif

Hey Mikey,

I think I have some serious issues when it comes to other guys. I recently celebrated my 25th birthday and as I looked around I realized I have no male friends. When I think about it, anytime I have tried to be friends with another guy something terrible has happened. For instance a guy I was friends with slept with my girlfriend behind my back, another stole money from me after I let him stay with me for a week, and still another came on to me. By the way, I don’t have a problem with gay people. But, I was hoping that he and I could have been good friends. When I offered that, he backed off. Do you have any advice on how I could form meaningful friendships with other men?

-Q2

***Q2, usually this story goes the other way, a girl has a problem making female friends because she doesn’t trust or has had negative interactions with them. My advice for you is to put yourself back out there with other guys. Apparently, you have ran into a few bad apples, but that doesn’t mean the whole bunch of men are jerks! No matter what any guy says, brotherhood is a necessary component of manhood! Take it slow, find a guy who first just wants to be friends; and then presents himself as a friend. Remember your friends should be as diverse as your life experiences, so you definitely need to have at least one other guy in the mix. I’m just keeping it 100! Good luck in your search for bromance!

image

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

11/4/2014- “Ninjas Ain’t Loyal Either”

wpid-ninja7.jpg

Hey Mikey,

My ex-best friend swears by your column so I decided to give you a try. The reason he’s my ex-best friend is because I just found out he’s been smashing the girl I’ve been seeing behind my back for the last four months. Mind you she and I have been dating for five of those months, AND they met through me. She and I don’t really have any labels attached to our set up; so I feel like I can’t really be mad at her. Needless to say, when it comes to my homeboy I’m furious beyond words. He and I were like brothers. My other boys told me to let it go and squash the beef with him because “it ain’t no fun if your homies can’t have none…” am I wrong in feeling the opposite?

-Furious in Birmingham

***Furious in Birmingham, you are in no way wrong about your feelings! The girl you were dating, your ex- best friend, and all your  homeboys who are trying to force feed you this “sharing girls philosophy” are all assholes! You are better off without them. First off whether you two were together or not, she should not have been messing with one of your friends. That’s beyond messy. She does not get a pass! As for your “fraud friend” this only goes to show you that they do not give a damn about you, or respect the Bro Code. The latter iterates, albeit bluntly, you do not mess with a girl your friend was involved with. Sad to say, none of these people have your best interests at heart. Be furious for now, move on with your life, and don’t look back. You have learned a truly valuable lesson–ninjas ain’t loyal either!

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

9/9/2014- “Before You Walk Out Of My Life”

image

Hey Mikey,

I really like your site. Lots of categories and stuff. My husband in particular likes your “Hot Tips for The Handsome Man” column. He gets manicures and pedicures with me now. Well my marriage is great but my friendship with my friend, “Elaine,” is really strained. We’ve been girls for about five years now and she was even in my wedding.  We recently had a big fallout over this slime of a guy she’s been dating. He makes Nikko from “Love & Hip-Hop Atlanta” look like a saint! To make a long story short,  she has not spoken to me since and now she’s accepted a job offer overseas and will be leaving in a few days. She had a going away party and did not invite me. Should I leave things alone or try to get some reconciliation and closure before she heads off?

-A Hurting Friend

***A Hurting Friend, I am sorry you and your friend are going through this. I see so many women lose great friendships over men.  It’s all so disappointing. Nevertheless, I advise you to reach out and wish her well. You can even tell her you have no hard feelings about the situation.  Anything she decides to do, or not do, after that is solely up to her.  Lose no sleep,  shed no tears! Life moves on and apparently so is your friend.

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

Men & Women Can Be Friends: Why I Love My Girls

wpid-photogrid_1389636470174

Everyone knows your teenage years can be more trying than any other time in your life. The fluctuations in hormones, learning to maneuver an unfamiliar adult body, social awkwardness, and overwhelming peer pressure are nothing less than torturous. It’s during times like these that having the right group of friends can make or break you into the person you will become. There are few truths greater than the saying, “you are the company you keep…” Fortunately, I found myself in good company. The friends I surrounded myself with sought to be, and became, great people. Whatever challenges, insecurities, or doubts that kept them from making themselves better I witnessed them overcome and eradicate them. That group of friends just so happened to be all female–my girls.

Honestly, friendship is genderless. Men and women can be friends–best friends even. I was your stereotypical troubled teen; angry with the world, and even angrier with myself for not “measuring up.” It was me against the world, and with hubris, I believed I stood a chance.  Unsurprisingly, not only did I fall flat on my face–I fell on my face; through the floor, and plummeted towards Earth’s core–that proverbial “rock bottom” everyone eventually learns about. In my light – less gloom, swaddled in despair and loneliness; there I suddenly found myself in the care of five amazing women. Since then, more amazing women have become apart of my life. Truthfully and sincerely, being their friend has been the greatest decision of my life.

Continue reading

The Transformative Power of Friendship–What Zachary Heath Meant To Me…

Zach (l), Me (right) December 2011
Zach (l), Me (right) December 2011

All too often on this site I delve into topics of love and dating. People bombard me with issues of love–how to gain it, how to maintain it, and what to do when it just does not work out. Nowadays the answers seem ever so clear to me. Do “A” to get to “B” so “C” will happen. Simple enough, right? That was not always the case. If you could travel back in time to just five years ago you would have met a very different me. Whereas I currently like to perceive myself as some Bruce Wayne/Batman/Carrie Bradshaw hybrid I was nothing short of an overweight Hulk. Unlike, the raging green hero, however my pain was self-inflicted fueled rejection rather than anger; and tainted by greed rather than righteous fury. One by one, my friends and many family members began to back away from me. I became that dramatic person that one would describe as a “hater.” If it was not for or about me it could quickly rot and burn in Hell. I sowed dissent amongst others better than most demons and pedaled poison in the form of drugs to the masses. These were my sins–I repeat WERE. Then, I just so happened to agree to make, still to date, the best decision of my life and agreed to become roommates with the friend of a friend, Zachary Heath.

Continue reading

What About your Friends? Friendships Vs. Relationships! Who Trumps Who!?

image

I Dislike When People Diss Their Friends When They Get A Boyfriend/Boo/Girlfriend Or Whatever … && I HATE IT When Those People Are My “FRIENDS” But It’s Cool, Because I Cut People Off, Don’t Think It’s Cut Throat! It’s Beautiful When You Find Love && A Relationship … But Don’t EVER Get Brand New With The Person That Was There When You Needed Him!! Because Next Time You Look, I’ll Be GONE! && So Will My Presence && ADVICE

-Anonymous Friend’s Facebook Status

Sounds familiar? As you can plainly see from my irate acquaintance’s status you aren’t alone; and this is far from new! The war between friendships and relationships has raged for eons, and it doesn’t seem to be letting up anytime soon. Society places such an emphasis, and has such an idealistic viewing of romantic relationships, that all others seem to pale in comparison. Psychology coins this phenomenon as dyadic withdrawal. The more time a couple spends romantically, the more their non-romantic interactions decrease, i.e. their friendships.

For many people this is perceived as the natural order of things. However it’s only partly true. Indeed, a partner/lover/significant other deserves a significant portion of your time–and a greater degree of your attention–but significant does not mean all-consuming. No one, no matter how loved or endeared to us, can have us one hundred percent of the time. Those involved in the healthiest romantic relationships know that time apart is just as important as time together. This doesn’t mean you use your friends as a consolation prize when the one you love isn’t available. It means you actively and consciously maintain time for the other people in your life.

Continue reading