4/9/2015- “Gay Fat”

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Hey Mikey,

Dating life for me has been incredibly hard. Despite the fact that I’ve lost over fifty pounds I have yet to find a guy who wants to be with me. I was 280 lbs this times last year and now I’m 230–still no one will date me. I keep hearing that I am really cute or sexy, but I’m a little thicker than guys here in Atlanta like. According to my straight guy friends and my girls I am not big, but I know they don’t get it. I’m only normal size by straight people’s standards. A guy once rudely told me that if I have to look like the guys I want and that once I lose some more weight I won’t be single. I really like what I have accomplished with my help, but I feel pressured to lose more weight. I hate exercise with a passion and I’d only be doing it to date….What should I do?

-Walking Eyesore

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***Walking Eyesore, your name pains me. You’re nobody’s eyesore. They have the problem, not you. As someone who routinely suffers from #ThickBoyBlues, I understand exactly where you are coming from. People see your weight before they see you, rejecting you before they even give you a chance. You unfortunately, are what people call “Gay Fat; normal by straight standards and fat by gay ones. The gay world is a surprisingly shallow one , considering how much intolerance they have to deal with.  Many people would say men are visual creatures who “like what they like,” and unfortunately this is part of the problem. I say you should do only what makes YOU happy! People nowadays act like a banging body is a Black Card, not realizing in time it will fade. Happiness before vanity my friend!

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

4/2/2014- “Eggplant Envy”

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Hey Mikey,

I’ve got an embarassing issue my man, but I gotta talk to someone about it. Pretty much my son is sixteen…and hung. Hung as in he’s well endowed. I learned that when my girlfriend accidentally walked in on him naked in his room. I constantly tell him to lock his door when he’s naked but he doesn’t listen. The other day I overheard my girlfriend and her best friend talking about his penis and comparing it to mine. According to her, I don’t measure up, but I have experience on my side. Then she told her friend she’s had dreams about his penis and starts laughing about it. I tried to brush it off like it wasn’t  anything, but last night it really hit me.

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3/20/2015- “The Atlanta Question”

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Hey Mikey,

It’s time to get serious with someone AGAIN! I am super happy and super worried too, because I have really been wanting to ask the guy I’ve fallen for a really big question. Maybe I’m being insecure, but this is Atlanta that we live in and a girl’s gotta ask pertinent questions about her man, or future man’s background. I want to ask him has he ever been with another guy or if he’s bisexual or curious. It’s not because I get the gay vibe from him or anything, but I’ve had six boyfriends my entire life; and half of them have turned out to be gay, bisexual, or experimented with a guy. My ex before last is the gay one by the way…he left me for his teammate. I know when you talk to any man about his sexuality then you have to approach the questioning delicately, but I gotta get this out before we move forward. Am I wrong?

-No Man’s Fag Hag

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***No Man’s Fag Hag, you’re not alone in the boat of straight women unwittingly messing around with gay or bi-curious men. In fact, whether women care to realize it or not, statistically speaking, there’s a high chance they have had sex with a man who is attracted to or had some homosexual encounter with another man.However, this is not a solely Atlanta thing. There are millions of women worldwide who share your suspicions and experiences. No you’re not wrong to ask him. That’s a pertinent questions, someone’s sexuality is a small part of their identity, but it is still apart of them. If you are truly moving towards something great, you need complete transparency from your partner. Naturally, you will ask him this conversation alone, after a relaxing dinner, when he is comfortable and more open. Tell him how you feel and share the aforementioned experiences with your exes. Based on his reaction will say a lot. In 2015, a calm “no” should suffice and you two can move on. If he becomes irate and angry, or proves to be homophobic–red flag! Studies have shown that homophobic men themselves are more likely to be gay. So, say what you need to say and good luck!

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

3/13/2015- “The Baymax Boo”

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Hey Mikey,

My daughter has always been an accepting person; and I love how she can see the inner beauty in everyone around her. However, her new boyfriend is beneath her in my opinion. Our family is big on health and fitness and the guy she is with now totally is not. He has her eating fried foods, missing our walks, and even took her to the county fair to watch him in a pie eating contest. He has to be close to 300 lbs. and it is not healthy. I keep trying to discuss his weight with her, but she claims to enjoy him as he is. I cannot imagine how she could be intimate with him. At dinner the other night I brought up the portioning of the food on his plate. There was easily enough food for three people there, and he took offense and rudely told me he will eat as much as he wants. My daughter just let him speak to me like that and chastened me via text about it later. How do I get her to see that he’s eating himself into a slow grave, and on the way she’ll be his miserable caretaker? Being Big Hero 6 may be tolerable while they’re young, but I mean c’mon…

-Anony-Mom

***Anony-Mom, the character you’re referencing is Baymax and he’s a superhero–Big Hero 6 is the team he’s on–just a little geek knowledge for you.  Seriously, all I hear is your complaints about your daughter’s boyfriend’s weight. If that is the biggest issue you have with him, and your daughter does not have any issues with him, then you’re completely out of line. If you’re daughter does not have a problem with his weight then neither should you. She is an adult, and like I try to tell people all the time you CANNOT parent your adult children. He is not forcing her to do anything she does not want to. Perhaps the bigger issue is you do not want the dynamics of your family life altered. It is time you move to the consulting position in her life. You have clearly offered your opinion on the situation and she has ignored it. Now it’s up to her to deal with any consequences, if any, of a relationship with him. I really want you to broaden your horizons and prioritize what is best for your daughter. Is he monogamous? Loyal? Loving? Thoughtful? Does he make her happy? C’mon mom. What he looks like is so trivial. Body shaming is truly awful…don’t be a perpetuate it…

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Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

3/5/2015- “Black Wonder Woman!”

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Hey Mikey,

I’m in Shitsville right now! I don’t feel like I should be, but I am. Here’s what’s going on. Well I was dating this girl two years ago and we did not work out. While we were dating she would always tell me about her friend who goes to school overseas and they seemed super close. Her friend has now moved to the states and man she is gorgeous! I mean so so gorgeous you would call her “Black Wonder Woman!”  I definitely have feelings for her, but I don’t think I’m on her radar. I asked my friend to be my wing woman and hook us up, but she flat out refused! She even says I’m an asshole for asking her to do that and has cut me out of her life. To make things worst her friend totally keeps her distance from me; and that ain’t cool. It was just a question. I can’t really figure out where I went wrong. We’ve been friends for so long now. Could she be jealous?

-Cool Casey

***You can’t be this insensitive or oblivious….or can you? Lord knows I’ve heard worst. Here it is good sir, you cannot ask a girl you use to date, no matter how long ago that was, to hook you up with one of her friend! That’s distasteful and egregious! There are billions of women on the planet that your friend is not so deeply connected to that you can hit on or hook up with. Her family and close friends are off limits. Honestly, her friend is cool. She is keeping her distance from you and practicing a rare, but honored thing called “LOYALTY!” You owe your friend an apology–that’s if you wish to salvage your friendship–and move on! “Black Wonder Woman” may not be for you, but “Black Supergirl might be…whoever she is…think with your bigger head before you act man, it’ll spare you and the women around you a lot of heartache.

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Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

2/24/2015- “The God-Sized Hole”

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Hey Mikey,

I was raised as a PK (Preacher’s Kid). Sunday through Friday it was church, church, and more church for me. When I went to college I slowed down a lot due to my evolving spiritual beliefs and the rigidness of The Church in general. Still I find myself missing that part of my life and have been meditating a lot. Something is missing in me and honestly I just don’t know what it is. What should I do? Is there something, or some action you advise me to do to stop this ache?

-PK Girl

***PK Girl, Church is usually the first thing most people let go of when they grow up and get out on their own. It’s almost like a grown up form of defiance. However, it does not have to be. There are millions of churches, and I am sure you can find one that fits your “evolving spiritual needs.” Still, it sounds like you are looking for more than a church home to quell the aches of the void within yourself. Trust me when I tell you that what you have is not some empty, bottomless void. It is instead a “God-sized hole,” and you’re trying to fill it with anything but God. Church may be the most common way people find their connection to God; but you should know the Church is within you, and God is everywhere! Reaffirm your bond with Him and all will fall into the place as it should be. Here’s the door sister, walk through it…

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Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

2/24/2015- “Tweet-able”

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Hey Mikey,

So I definitely know I made a mistake with my girlfriend’s friend. She posted a bikini pic online and I sort of commented “#Fuckable” on it! She immediately deleted the comment and DM’d me cusssing me out. I apologized to her and convinced her not to tell my girl–or so I thought. I got home and my lady was moving out. She said me tweeting her that is a form of cheating. I feel she is overreacting! Does that comment count as cheating? I mean the picture was retweet worthy and I kind of did, LOL!

-Captain Blue

***Captain Blue, your girlfriend is one of the smartest women on the planet! She knows when to get the hell on. What you’ve done isn’t cheating; but it is ignorant, inappropriate, reckless, insensitive, deplorable, heinous, immature, and oh yeah–PLAIN OUT STUPID! Did you really think the proverbial shit wouldn’t hit the fan when you hit on your girlfriend’s friend? “Women talk…women talk..;”  no one ever taught you this? If this situation were reversed we definitely would not be having this conversation. APOLOGIZE, APOLOGIZE, APOLOGIZE! For future reference, your girl’s friends aren’t tweet-able let alone “#Fuckable.” Sir, grow up!

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 Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡