8/1/2015- “Bayou Blues Over Gumbo”

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Hey Mikey,

I really don’t know how much longer I can stay married. My mother-in-law hates me and she shows it every chance she gets. My husband and I was a tourist from Atlanta passing through Jean Lafitte, Louisiana. My ex-roommate wanted me to see her hometown. My husband and I met and really hit it off and for about a year and a half maintained a long distance relationship, taking turns visiting each other every month and talking on the phone every other day. I really loved him–I still do. However, when I moved there to be with him his mother was not happy. She doesn’t feel I fit in with his family because I’m educated and a lawyer. The women in his family are housewives or retired. She says I’m boojie because I don’t like frog legs, gator, squirrel, rabbit, or a lot of the “local cuisine” there. My husband does, and he is allowed to cook and/or eat it himself, but when I make food it’s for he and I to eat. So I’m going to make what we both like.

On holidays all the women (including her other daughter-in-laws), except for me, are allowed in the kitchen to help cook or prepare food. She won’t even let me boil rice. My husband suggested I cook a meal she likes so I made some gumbo with rabbit meat in it. Something I know she likes and even followed her recipe. She really enjoyed it until she found out I cooked it. Then I witnessed her pouring it down the garbage disposal…my heart broke…My husband stood there laughing and shaking his head. Not once did he speak up for me. I’m not sure what else to do. I’ve tried talking with her, reasoning with her, and compromising. Nothing works. I left my whole family to be here with him. Maybe it’s time I move back to Atlanta.

-Absurdly Bothered

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***Absurdly Bothered, there is nothing absurd about how you feel. Your mother-in-law sounds jealous, petty, and hateful. Honestly, I think a lengthy vacation to Atlanta is just what you need to clear your head and figure out your next move. However, before you go on sabbatical let your husband know how you feel. Remind him of his marriage vows, and the little line where he promised to keep you “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her, for as long as you both shall live?”

While you’re away really take your time to consider your options and consequences. If your husband is not going to speak up for you, then I see a situation that will only worsen. Just think about how things would be if you had children? Would she alienate them too because of you, or try to under mind your position as their mother? All of these are things to think about. Darling, you’ve got some thinking to!

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

7/30/2015- “No Man Is Worth The Aggravation!”

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Hey Mikey,

You’re going to say I am stupid, but I would say I am in love and trying to be a good wife. Two years ago I got pregnant with my twins and gained sixty pounds. It took me a year to work it all off, but I still have stretch marks. I am going to get them removed. My husband suggests I get further plastic surgery to augment my breast and butt, but I don’t want to. I like how I look everywhere else. I told him this, and later found out he was cheating on me with my personal trainer. She’s fit, but she’s had her body augmented. Naturally I fired her and he keeps apologizing, but I just wonder if I had done as he asked would he have cheated? I am now considering the other surgeries to keep him from cheating again. What do you think?

-Wife at a Crossroads

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***Wife at a Crossroads, I don’t think you’re stupid, but I do think that no man is worth the aggravation! This man, your husband, the father of your children does something as low as sleeping with the help and you think you have the issue? No ma’am! He needs to be begging on his knees for your forgiveness and you need to know your worth. If YOU want your stretch marks gone then that is fine, but never change yourself for a man. A new pair of breasts and a fatter ass won’t keep him from cheating. As you stated, YOU like how you look and that is all that matters. What he wont appreciate another man will. He needs to get with the program, or get the hell out. Be sure you grab that alimony and child support before he does move on though! YOU and the twins have got to eat! (Currently chuckling). 

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

7/29/2015- “Love Me Like You Do”

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Hey Mikey,

I’m caught in a serious dilemma. I recently reunited with my college sweetheart. As a matter of fact, the day we reunited we made love in the backseat of her SUV. It was like old times. She told me after the fact she is in an open marriage. She has her flings and her husband has his. She wants to leave him, but says he makes too much money and she is not willing to downgrade her lifestyle. We have been at this for a year now and honestly I’m tired of being the side dude, even if it is no secret. I want her to be my wife, she is the one. I think I am ready to give her an ultimatum. What do you think she will say? I really just want her to keep loving me the way she does…

-Problematic

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***Problematic, giving her an ultimatum is not necessary. She has already told you where you two stand. Her marriage may be at the bottom, you come in at number two, but the love of her life is the money fueling her lifestyle. Unless you can match that dollar for dollar you are so out of luck! It is time to face the music, cry yourself a river, and give it one last goodbye because she is not the one. If she was she would not be someone else’s wife. Yes wife! Not side chick, girlfriend, or jump off! Her label comes with some serious legal perks and spiritual responsibilities. Swerve back into your lane! If you cannot or will not maintain it then it is time you get off the road! Save that proposal and bent knee for a SINGLE woman who really will be worth it.

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

Taboo to Do: Sex on the First Date?

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When it comes to relationships, there are many things one may deem taboo to do – like asking a guy out on a date, letting the lady foot the bill and one of the oldest in the book; having sex on the first date. But it is now 2015 and I hereby deem all of these things outdated and unrealistic. For instance, there’s this really cute guy you’re crushing on and he flirts with you too. Instead of you asking him out, you wait on him to do it and that day never comes. Why are you waiting on him to make the next move? The same thing with falling into bed with someone.

My personal opinion is this – I believe that after twenty minutes of meeting someone you know whether or not you like them and if you want to have sex with them. You know whether you want to continue on a conversation with them or if you’d like them better with their mouth closed and clothes off. Today I’ve compiled a list of why I think it is perfectly fine to “smash” on the first date.

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7/18/2015- “Good Company”

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Hey Mikey,

My baby is due next week and I’m really scared. Oddly enough, it’s not because any of the pain it will cause. It is because my family has a history of not getting along with their oldest children. My mother and I can’t stand each other, she couldn’t stand her mother, my grandmother hated my great-grandfather, and he despised my great-great grandfather. That is five generations of family drama and I don’t want to do anything to make my baby boy and I the sixth one. The biggest fallout between my mother and I came when she would never believe me or take my side in any situation. I already love my baby and I want him to love me. I’m just wondering how do I keep a good relationship with him throughout his life?

-Something’s Gotta Change

***Something’s Gotta Change, you are absolutely right! It sounds like your family is dealing with a generational curse. Five generations is roughly a century and that is far too long for any type of family drama and discord. I am sure, over the years, you have heard the stories as to why your various ascendants have been at war with one another. Take those to heart to learn how to prevent them and not perpetuate them. If your child has all of your strengths, and none of your weaknesses then you will have done a great job raising your son. Trust me, there’s no manual for parenting and “The Lipschitz” is just a Rugrats character. You two will always be good company with another–claim it and believe it!

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

Hey Mikey- “Mauerbauertraurigkeit”

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Hey Mikey,

My friend is really giving me the blues. I am not sure why he constantly acts like this but it is getting on my last damn nerves. He is always pushing me away, we have been friends for years and now he is sending me a damn “Dear John” letter talking about we cannot be friends because friendships make him uncomfortable. I keep trying to be there for him, but I just don’t know what the hell I can do to help him. Do you think he is bipolar?

-Currently Clueless

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***Currently Clueless, it sounds like your friend is feeling the following “obscure sorrow:”

Mauerbauertraurigkeit

n. the inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like—as if all your social taste buds suddenly went numb, leaving you unable to distinguish cheap politeness from the taste of genuine affection, unable to recognize its rich and ambiguous flavors, its long and delicate maturation, or the simple fact that each tasting is double-blind.

Sad, right? What is even sadder is when we do not know how to let go. When someone is blatantly trying to push you out of their lives do not make it so hard for them. Press the fast forward button on your feet and run on. This is something they will have to work out on there on. As hard as it is to do that you have to. Misery loves company, and that emotion is not only contagious–it’s crippling.

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

7/3/2015- “Go To The Ball Cinderella!”

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Hey Mikey!

Help, help, and help! I am really confused about what to do for tomorrow for The All-Stars Social. I have my gown, I’m getting my hair and makeup done professionally, and my father is even getting me a carriage and horse to ride to the Social in. There is one problem–no date. I could not find one single boy to escort me to tomorrow night! The ones I like are taking other girls, or gay, I suspect. When I asked two guys out they told me I wasn’t their type. One even called me plain…At this point a relative would be nice, but both of my parents are only children so I have no cousins. I do not want to disappoint my parents and not go. My father’s a judge so we’re pretty prominent in the community, but it just doesn’t look right for any woman to go “stag” to an event. I need some of your magical wisdom, and quickly!

-Anonymous

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