Taboo to Do: Sex on the First Date?

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When it comes to relationships, there are many things one may deem taboo to do – like asking a guy out on a date, letting the lady foot the bill and one of the oldest in the book; having sex on the first date. But it is now 2015 and I hereby deem all of these things outdated and unrealistic. For instance, there’s this really cute guy you’re crushing on and he flirts with you too. Instead of you asking him out, you wait on him to do it and that day never comes. Why are you waiting on him to make the next move? The same thing with falling into bed with someone.

My personal opinion is this – I believe that after twenty minutes of meeting someone you know whether or not you like them and if you want to have sex with them. You know whether you want to continue on a conversation with them or if you’d like them better with their mouth closed and clothes off. Today I’ve compiled a list of why I think it is perfectly fine to “smash” on the first date.

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7/2/2015- “Confidence Meter–TURN IT UP!”

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Hey Mikey,

I really love your advice column and I figure you can help me out with something. I’ve started to date this guy in the last week. He is very intelligent, kind, has great communication, but he lacks confidence. A few years back he was obese and his dating life was virtually nonexistent. Even though he has lost weight and looks great can’t see it, and wants to lose more weight. I tried to get him to have a meal with me later in the evening and he declined because he says it wouldn’t help his wait loss–he also would barely drink with me. I’m not the most fit guy myself, but I like to have fun and be able to say what I want to say without having to worry about hurting someone’s feelings. His low confidence worries me. I’m considering no longer dating him and advising him to work on himself. Should I?

-Actively Searching for BAE

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5/20/2015- “Too Hard To Be Light-Skinned”

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Hey Mikey,

I’m not sure what the f***is going on lately, but the hate on light skinned dudes is real and HIGH! Just the other day this girl said she did not know how to take me because I “act too hard for a light skinned guy.” Like what the hell does that mean? Then just today a girl I really like said the only reason girls nowadays get with light skinned guys is to have pretty babies. Am I dating the wrong girls or is this the trend because everyone’s telling me they’re right. As a Black man I have enough to deal with without having to prove my blackness based on the tint of my skin. What should I do to deal with all this?

-Anti-Color Struck

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***Anti-Color Struck, your situation is a sad and ignorant one. I want to say these are isolated incidents but lately I too have met a number of lighter skinned African-American men who tell me the stereotypes, prejudice and disdain they have faced just because they are not darker skinned. Do not let this get to you. Honestly, it is beyond you and as old as the slavery itself. History lesson: Lighter skinned slaves were the master’s children and lived and worked in the house and did not have to do the harder, menial tasks of darker skinned slaves so they seemed softer and less threatening. Translate that to present day and some people assume because you are light skinned you are weaker, not quite as Black, or do not know the meaning of a hard life.

Cut these girls off and toss their ignorance to the side. There is someone for everyone and they are only showing their insecurities. The measure of any man is how he governs himself, not the color or shade of his skin. They are stupid and color struck–not worth your time and thoughts. Yell out loud, “IDFWU!”

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

5/3/2015- “Ciara (@ciara) Betted Right!”

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Hey Mikey,

So…my girl and I broke up six months ago. When I saw her out she acted all nice and sweet to me, but then I see her posting pictures with some dude on IG over the next three weeks. I guess dude has money because she been showing bags he bought her and she been flying to different places with him. He ain’t got me looks wise, but I don’t think his money is legit if you know what I mean. I don’t have any real proof just speculation. I mean who has all that cash at 22? Everyone says it is none of my business, but she and I were like best friends ’til she caught me talking to another girl. I’m really just trying to look out for her. Would I be wrong for doing a background check on the guy she is talking to now?

-Chino

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***Chino, speculation is just a sophisticated why of excusing your assumptions–something you have no right to do when it comes to your ex. She has moved on and so should you. Ghost following and tracking her via Instagram are not a good look! I can tell her kindness to you the last time you two crossed paths ignited hopes of reconciliation and now you want to sabotage her fledgling relationship now that she has found someone who’s financially a step up. Don’t be mad, don’t be sad, don’t do any background checks, don’t be resentful or bitter. Just MOVE ON This is what happens when you break up with someone…they find somebody new–and in the words of Ciara, “…somebody better than you…”

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

4/16/2014- “My Ex-Boyfriend’s Best Friend is My Next Boyfriend”

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Hey Mikey,

People, and maybe even you, are going to think I’m grimy; but the heart wants what it wants. I’ve been seeing my ex-boyfriend’s best friend for the last three months. Now he and I are ready to be official and go public with our relationship. I know coming out won’t be easy because he and my ex are very close–like brothers actually. Their families are even close too. In fact their mothers are best friends. I know this is going to cause a calamity, but I want to us to tell my ex first that we are together. My new boo and I are trying to decide how and when to tell him; and if one or both of us should tell him. I want to make this as painless as possible. Any advice or guidance?

-Absured & Unsure

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***Absured & Unsure, your pen name should “Trouble” in all caps! You’re right this is going to be a whole train of ugly, with a caboose of betrayal and heartache.This can potentially disrupt the harmony of multiple people and devastate friendships and relationships alike. I’m sure you have asked yourself repeatedly is it really worth it, but take the time to truly assess all the consequences at play. Honestly, there is no right way or time to tell him this type of news. You two need to  have he balls (figuratively and literally) to tell him TOGETHER since you want to be together! Don’t be surprised if karma becomes too real and you both end up with multiple people saying “I Don’t F*** With You!”

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

4/2/2014- “Eggplant Envy”

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Hey Mikey,

I’ve got an embarassing issue my man, but I gotta talk to someone about it. Pretty much my son is sixteen…and hung. Hung as in he’s well endowed. I learned that when my girlfriend accidentally walked in on him naked in his room. I constantly tell him to lock his door when he’s naked but he doesn’t listen. The other day I overheard my girlfriend and her best friend talking about his penis and comparing it to mine. According to her, I don’t measure up, but I have experience on my side. Then she told her friend she’s had dreams about his penis and starts laughing about it. I tried to brush it off like it wasn’t  anything, but last night it really hit me.

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3/20/2015- “The Atlanta Question”

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Hey Mikey,

It’s time to get serious with someone AGAIN! I am super happy and super worried too, because I have really been wanting to ask the guy I’ve fallen for a really big question. Maybe I’m being insecure, but this is Atlanta that we live in and a girl’s gotta ask pertinent questions about her man, or future man’s background. I want to ask him has he ever been with another guy or if he’s bisexual or curious. It’s not because I get the gay vibe from him or anything, but I’ve had six boyfriends my entire life; and half of them have turned out to be gay, bisexual, or experimented with a guy. My ex before last is the gay one by the way…he left me for his teammate. I know when you talk to any man about his sexuality then you have to approach the questioning delicately, but I gotta get this out before we move forward. Am I wrong?

-No Man’s Fag Hag

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***No Man’s Fag Hag, you’re not alone in the boat of straight women unwittingly messing around with gay or bi-curious men. In fact, whether women care to realize it or not, statistically speaking, there’s a high chance they have had sex with a man who is attracted to or had some homosexual encounter with another man.However, this is not a solely Atlanta thing. There are millions of women worldwide who share your suspicions and experiences. No you’re not wrong to ask him. That’s a pertinent questions, someone’s sexuality is a small part of their identity, but it is still apart of them. If you are truly moving towards something great, you need complete transparency from your partner. Naturally, you will ask him this conversation alone, after a relaxing dinner, when he is comfortable and more open. Tell him how you feel and share the aforementioned experiences with your exes. Based on his reaction will say a lot. In 2015, a calm “no” should suffice and you two can move on. If he becomes irate and angry, or proves to be homophobic–red flag! Studies have shown that homophobic men themselves are more likely to be gay. So, say what you need to say and good luck!

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡