4/16/2014- “My Ex-Boyfriend’s Best Friend is My Next Boyfriend”

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Hey Mikey,

People, and maybe even you, are going to think I’m grimy; but the heart wants what it wants. I’ve been seeing my ex-boyfriend’s best friend for the last three months. Now he and I are ready to be official and go public with our relationship. I know coming out won’t be easy because he and my ex are very close–like brothers actually. Their families are even close too. In fact their mothers are best friends. I know this is going to cause a calamity, but I want to us to tell my ex first that we are together. My new boo and I are trying to decide how and when to tell him; and if one or both of us should tell him. I want to make this as painless as possible. Any advice or guidance?

-Absured & Unsure

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***Absured & Unsure, your pen name should “Trouble” in all caps! You’re right this is going to be a whole train of ugly, with a caboose of betrayal and heartache.This can potentially disrupt the harmony of multiple people and devastate friendships and relationships alike. I’m sure you have asked yourself repeatedly is it really worth it, but take the time to truly assess all the consequences at play. Honestly, there is no right way or time to tell him this type of news. You two need to  have he balls (figuratively and literally) to tell him TOGETHER since you want to be together! Don’t be surprised if karma becomes too real and you both end up with multiple people saying “I Don’t F*** With You!”

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

4/2/2014- “Eggplant Envy”

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Hey Mikey,

I’ve got an embarassing issue my man, but I gotta talk to someone about it. Pretty much my son is sixteen…and hung. Hung as in he’s well endowed. I learned that when my girlfriend accidentally walked in on him naked in his room. I constantly tell him to lock his door when he’s naked but he doesn’t listen. The other day I overheard my girlfriend and her best friend talking about his penis and comparing it to mine. According to her, I don’t measure up, but I have experience on my side. Then she told her friend she’s had dreams about his penis and starts laughing about it. I tried to brush it off like it wasn’t  anything, but last night it really hit me.

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3/20/2015- “The Atlanta Question”

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Hey Mikey,

It’s time to get serious with someone AGAIN! I am super happy and super worried too, because I have really been wanting to ask the guy I’ve fallen for a really big question. Maybe I’m being insecure, but this is Atlanta that we live in and a girl’s gotta ask pertinent questions about her man, or future man’s background. I want to ask him has he ever been with another guy or if he’s bisexual or curious. It’s not because I get the gay vibe from him or anything, but I’ve had six boyfriends my entire life; and half of them have turned out to be gay, bisexual, or experimented with a guy. My ex before last is the gay one by the way…he left me for his teammate. I know when you talk to any man about his sexuality then you have to approach the questioning delicately, but I gotta get this out before we move forward. Am I wrong?

-No Man’s Fag Hag

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***No Man’s Fag Hag, you’re not alone in the boat of straight women unwittingly messing around with gay or bi-curious men. In fact, whether women care to realize it or not, statistically speaking, there’s a high chance they have had sex with a man who is attracted to or had some homosexual encounter with another man.However, this is not a solely Atlanta thing. There are millions of women worldwide who share your suspicions and experiences. No you’re not wrong to ask him. That’s a pertinent questions, someone’s sexuality is a small part of their identity, but it is still apart of them. If you are truly moving towards something great, you need complete transparency from your partner. Naturally, you will ask him this conversation alone, after a relaxing dinner, when he is comfortable and more open. Tell him how you feel and share the aforementioned experiences with your exes. Based on his reaction will say a lot. In 2015, a calm “no” should suffice and you two can move on. If he becomes irate and angry, or proves to be homophobic–red flag! Studies have shown that homophobic men themselves are more likely to be gay. So, say what you need to say and good luck!

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

3/13/2015- “The Baymax Boo”

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Hey Mikey,

My daughter has always been an accepting person; and I love how she can see the inner beauty in everyone around her. However, her new boyfriend is beneath her in my opinion. Our family is big on health and fitness and the guy she is with now totally is not. He has her eating fried foods, missing our walks, and even took her to the county fair to watch him in a pie eating contest. He has to be close to 300 lbs. and it is not healthy. I keep trying to discuss his weight with her, but she claims to enjoy him as he is. I cannot imagine how she could be intimate with him. At dinner the other night I brought up the portioning of the food on his plate. There was easily enough food for three people there, and he took offense and rudely told me he will eat as much as he wants. My daughter just let him speak to me like that and chastened me via text about it later. How do I get her to see that he’s eating himself into a slow grave, and on the way she’ll be his miserable caretaker? Being Big Hero 6 may be tolerable while they’re young, but I mean c’mon…

-Anony-Mom

***Anony-Mom, the character you’re referencing is Baymax and he’s a superhero–Big Hero 6 is the team he’s on–just a little geek knowledge for you.  Seriously, all I hear is your complaints about your daughter’s boyfriend’s weight. If that is the biggest issue you have with him, and your daughter does not have any issues with him, then you’re completely out of line. If you’re daughter does not have a problem with his weight then neither should you. She is an adult, and like I try to tell people all the time you CANNOT parent your adult children. He is not forcing her to do anything she does not want to. Perhaps the bigger issue is you do not want the dynamics of your family life altered. It is time you move to the consulting position in her life. You have clearly offered your opinion on the situation and she has ignored it. Now it’s up to her to deal with any consequences, if any, of a relationship with him. I really want you to broaden your horizons and prioritize what is best for your daughter. Is he monogamous? Loyal? Loving? Thoughtful? Does he make her happy? C’mon mom. What he looks like is so trivial. Body shaming is truly awful…don’t be a perpetuate it…

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Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

2/24/2015- “Tweet-able”

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Hey Mikey,

So I definitely know I made a mistake with my girlfriend’s friend. She posted a bikini pic online and I sort of commented “#Fuckable” on it! She immediately deleted the comment and DM’d me cusssing me out. I apologized to her and convinced her not to tell my girl–or so I thought. I got home and my lady was moving out. She said me tweeting her that is a form of cheating. I feel she is overreacting! Does that comment count as cheating? I mean the picture was retweet worthy and I kind of did, LOL!

-Captain Blue

***Captain Blue, your girlfriend is one of the smartest women on the planet! She knows when to get the hell on. What you’ve done isn’t cheating; but it is ignorant, inappropriate, reckless, insensitive, deplorable, heinous, immature, and oh yeah–PLAIN OUT STUPID! Did you really think the proverbial shit wouldn’t hit the fan when you hit on your girlfriend’s friend? “Women talk…women talk..;”  no one ever taught you this? If this situation were reversed we definitely would not be having this conversation. APOLOGIZE, APOLOGIZE, APOLOGIZE! For future reference, your girl’s friends aren’t tweet-able let alone “#Fuckable.” Sir, grow up!

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 Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡

 

Sorry Guys! Miranda Kerr (@MirandaKerr) Prefers The Single Life for Now!

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Bad news for all of us fellas. Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr is not looking to be boo’d up right now. The 31 year old model is looking to find comfort in her own company according to Bazaar Magazine.

Kerr has been active in the dating world since her divorce from ex-husband Orlando Bloom, who are parents to a 4 year old boy together, but is not looking for any type of relationship right now.

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2/7/2015- “Her Obliterated Heart”

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Hey Mikey,

So I think I’ve met the right woman for me, but I don’t know if she thinks I’m the right man for her. It’s not that she doesn’t like me or doesn’t find me attractive; she’s just apprehensive and still dealing with emotional baggage from previous relationships. From what I’ve gathered from her, her family, and her friends; all of her exes either cheated on her, cheated on her and beat her, beat her and stole from her, or cheated and stole from her. So I try to be patient and find myself constantly trying to prove I’m a good guy. She rarely allows me to do even the most chivalrous things like open the door, pay for our date, or pull her chair out for her. The other day when we were hanging with friends–sort of like a couples‘ game night–we had to do this trust fall exercise. It was like pulling teeth getting to her to even attempt it. Once she did, she cried and left. I felt bad for putting her in that position and now she wants to see me sparingly. She’s even saying maybe we should slow down because she is not ready for what I’m ready for. Where do I go from here? I’m lost at what my next plan of action should be. I’m going to win her heart!

-Mr. I’m In Love

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***Mr. I’m In Love, the heart is a fragile thing. If you break it too badly it might never recover. Obviously your lady is heartbroken, as a matter of fact she is dealing with an obliterated heart. I like to think of this as a state of crisis within a person when you’re so very broken and emotionally vulnerable. She is wise to pull back from you as another emotional blow at this time could push her towards a breakdown or worst! Just Google “Broken Heart Syndrome,” AKA stress cardiomyopathy! In turn, you should slow down too. If she’s the one, and it is meant to be, then it will work itself out. Your plans of action now should be inaction and reaction. Let her set the pace and tone of your relationship. Trust me when I tell you that traversing the shattered pieces of an obliterated heart is the most difficult task in the universe. Any man who takes on this task will have to be guided by patience, garbed with love, and entrusted by God. Good luck!

☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email at  HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡