Change is good. As much as it pains me to say that I’m learning that change is inevitable and it is the only thing in life that is consistent. With time and age comes a need for change whether it’s a change of scenery, a change of pace, or the changing of your inner circle – and I’m literally sitting at that stage.
Part of me is scared to make that move and to cut off certain relationships but when I evaluate them and sit them alongside my own happiness, I notice that I’m coming up short.
And that is something I cannot allow.
As selfish as it may seem to some, my happiness must be preserved at all costs. My happiness is ultimately the core of my sanity and if I feel like my sanity is being jeopardized then we have an issue.
I recently ended two core friendships. In short, I guess we just sort of outgrew one another, which is okay. I still love them both dearly and wish them nothing but the best out of life but I do feel that this was a long time coming and I fought to keep us together more than I should have. I noticed myself changing around them and the change wasn’t always a pleasant one. With one I felt like I always had to be ‘on guard’ and aggressive so to speak and with the other I felt like I was turning into a ‘yes friend’ all because I didn’t want to stir up controversy. Anyone who knows me personally knows that I’m a natural goofball and I’m very outspoken. My mouth has absolutely no filter and my chill button is always out of order. But for the last year I found myself biting my tongue more and more and keeping hush mouthed on things I should’ve been able to openly express; after all, these are my friends right?
When I started to realize we were outgrowing each other I sat myself down and began to question myself. Am I a bad person? Am I becoming a flake? How did things get this bad between us? I started rationalizing that their actions and mine were just minor hurdles and we’d get over them soon but once I noticed the issues never did get resolved, I had to look at the bigger picture. We were getting older and we were changing. We had acquired new tastes and new outlooks on life and sometimes once there’s a big change like that, there’s simply no coming back.
The truth is as you grow into the person you’re destined to become, one by one you’ll grow apart from the people you thought would always be there and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it’s a part of your growth. As hard as it may seem at first, it does get better. If you’re dealing with a toxic relationship (romantic or platonic), reevaluate and walk away. Your sanity is too precious for the bull.
Written By: Monique C. Tillman